Skip to main content

Little Me

The year is 1998, I'm playing out in our tiny apartment backyard by myself with a Barbie CD player. The song? The wedding march...I would play it and pretend to walk down the isle outside while making sure that no one would see me or I'd be embarrassed. Reality is, I day dreamed with my wedding day since I was really little. Maybe it was the telenovelas I grew up watching that made me a hopeless romantic. Or did it make me dramatic? Who knows, but I always loved love and the idea of one day having a boyfriend who would marry me and we would live happily ever after. 

As the only daughter, I grew up very well loved, protected and spoiled. We had really little but my parents always ensured that I had what I needed and never felt the lack of anything. I have two older brothers who would try to mess with me but ultimately, I won all arguments cause I'm the princess of the family. With this being said, I was always raised in love. Affection was shown daily, words of affirmation spoken to remind me I am smart, I am good, I am beautiful. The best parents raising their kids in a new Country while sacrificing daily to make ends meet. I was raised with love, kindness, patience, positivity and grace.

Let's come back to this. 

Growing up, teenage years were typical. Me= boy crazy. Boys=didn't know I existed! Jk. There's my dramatics popping up again. But I do remember being boy crazy. I remember crushes I had and though I was always friends with them and chatted with them, it was just a teenage crush and that's that. Let's just say, my ex husband was my first real kiss. He was also my first boyfriend. 

For whatever reason, I just never felt like THAT girl. You know, the obviously hot one that guys all talk about and want to date, take to school dances or talk to the guys about. I was more so the cool nice friend that was there for people. BORING. JK There goes that drama again! But I never felt chased after. I never had a guy writing me love letters, crying for me like they do on TV. Is that even real? But you know what I mean. I was a normal teenager who was boy crazy but never dated. So much that I was never asked to home coming dance in high school and I didn't go to my senior prom. I could probably sit here and wallow in self pity over that. But moving on. 

Even though at home I was very uplifted, experiencing the lack of guys trying to date me and noticing my friends always being the one guys wanted to take out kind of sort of began my ongoing chapter in life called "insecurities". Maybe, just maybe, that's why I tolerated so much bullshit.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Red Flags

 Maybe I thought it was a fun carnival....but years passed and i learned those red flags meant something and I turned the other cheek.  We talked about me growing up boy crazy always wishing I was the girl boys wanted. I think looking back, that made me desperate for that love and attention to feel adored by a man. But where was it coming from if I grew up with the most loving parents? So let's remember this need to be loved by someone, validated by someone and just overall wanted and chosen.  When I began dating Max, he was my first everything. I fell for this very good looking man so quickly. He made me feel good, I was completely tunneled vision into everything he was and represented. At the time, he had gone through his personal hardships but he came out of it with a strong testimony of God and chose to be baptized. I fell for the "bad boy" who met Jesus and changed. He liked me? what! A guy this hot wanted ME?! sold.  While dating, red flags popped up. The first...
Post a Comment
Read more

Intro

Isn't it funny,...one day you're 23 and in love being asked "where do you see yourself in ten years" and the answer is nothing to what you're living? Instead, here I am with my unbrushed hair in a messy bun deciding to journal here with you while my kids are at their dads house. Yeah, my reality is very far from the "Oh, I see myself in a beautiful big home with my kids and loving husband having family time being happily ever after" blah blah blah. I sound bitter and at times I am. But this was my choice. It took three years of fighting before I decided it was time to walk away. February 9th, 2022 to be exact. Then on December 31st, 2022 I put pen to paper and signed my divorce decree. So here I am, 33 years old, wearing a mumu and watching the Phoenix Suns play in the playoffs while simultaneously blogging. If you're wondering if i'm okay,...i'm not. If you're wondering if my ex husband has a girlfriend he began dating 4 months after I l...
Post a Comment
Read more