Isn't it funny,...one day you're 23 and in love being asked "where do you see yourself in ten years" and the answer is nothing to what you're living? Instead, here I am with my unbrushed hair in a messy bun deciding to journal here with you while my kids are at their dads house. Yeah, my reality is very far from the "Oh, I see myself in a beautiful big home with my kids and loving husband having family time being happily ever after" blah blah blah. I sound bitter and at times I am. But this was my choice. It took three years of fighting before I decided it was time to walk away. February 9th, 2022 to be exact. Then on December 31st, 2022 I put pen to paper and signed my divorce decree. So here I am, 33 years old, wearing a mumu and watching the Phoenix Suns play in the playoffs while simultaneously blogging. If you're wondering if i'm okay,...i'm not. If you're wondering if my ex husband has a girlfriend he began dating 4 months after I left, and is now moving in with her....he is. If you're wondering if i'm in therapy....oh...I am. If you're wondering if my kids are struggling,...yeah, a little and i'm trying like crazy to make it easy. If you're wondering if i'm healing,...YES!! If you're wondering how a love story could have ended this way...sit back and let's take it from the top.
Maybe I thought it was a fun carnival....but years passed and i learned those red flags meant something and I turned the other cheek. We talked about me growing up boy crazy always wishing I was the girl boys wanted. I think looking back, that made me desperate for that love and attention to feel adored by a man. But where was it coming from if I grew up with the most loving parents? So let's remember this need to be loved by someone, validated by someone and just overall wanted and chosen. When I began dating Max, he was my first everything. I fell for this very good looking man so quickly. He made me feel good, I was completely tunneled vision into everything he was and represented. At the time, he had gone through his personal hardships but he came out of it with a strong testimony of God and chose to be baptized. I fell for the "bad boy" who met Jesus and changed. He liked me? what! A guy this hot wanted ME?! sold. While dating, red flags popped up. The first...
Comments
Post a Comment